[In October,] Humanity reaches a major milestone as the United Nations estimates that the population of the Earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom sends you irritating e-mails inviting you to join something called ‘LinkedIn.’
— Dave Barry – Year in Review
This was a year in which the cast members of Jersey Shore went to Italy and then — in an inexcusable lapse of border security — were allowed to return.
— Dave Barry – Year in Review
When I purchase a food item at the supermarket, I can be confident that the label will state how much riboflavin is in it. The United States government requires this, and for a good reason, which is: I have no idea. I don’t even know what riboflavin is. I do know I eat a lot of it. For example, I often start the day with a hearty Kellogg’s strawberry Pop-Tart, which has, according to the label, a riboflavin rating of 10 percent. I assume this means that 10 percent of the Pop-Tart is riboflavin. Maybe it’s the red stuff in the middle. Anyway, I’m hoping riboflavin is a good thing; if it turns out that it’s a bad thing, like “riboflavin” is the Latin word for “cockroach pus,” then I am definitely in trouble.
— Dave Barry
After a hearty breakfast, we go ashore and experience Mexico, which consists of souvenir stores and restaurants where everybody speaks English and accepts dollars. Travel is a good way to learn about other cultures.
— Dave Barry - Cruising all the way to the buffet
Soon, however, large patches of crude oil [from the Deepwater Horizon rig] are drifting toward land, and it becomes clear that this is a major disaster — a challenge that we, as a nation, will have to meet, as we have met other challenges, with a combination of photo opportunities, lawsuits and tweeting.
— Dave Barry - 2010 Year in Review
But the big sports story is the decision by LeBron James, announced in a one-hour television special watched by a worldwide audience estimated at 127 billion, to take his talents to South Beach and play for the Miami Heat, where he will join Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Michael Jordan, the late Wilt Chamberlain and Jesus to form a dream basketball team so supremely excellent that it cannot possibly lose, not even one single game, EVER, in theory.
— Dave Barry - 2010 Year in Review
The key to using these similar-sounding words, or “hormones, ” correctly is to understand that “lay” is a transient verb whose past particle is “laden” or sometimes “loan” (as in “Loan me some of them Doritos”); whereas “lie” may be used either as an article of injunction (“That’s a lie!”) or in a marsupial phrase (“I told you kids never to lie kangaroo parts on the ottoman!”).
— Dave Barry, answering the question on using “lay” and “lie”
…the World Cup really is a huge international event — except, of course, in the United States, where it generates about the same level of public excitement as the season finale of The Bachelorette.
— Dave Barry: On soccer’s big stage, nudity is the goooall! - Dave Barry - MiamiHerald.com
[Airline ticket prices are] determined by Rudy the Fare Chicken, who decides the price of each ticket individually by pecking on a computer keyboard sprinkled with corn. If an airline agent tells you that they’re having “computer problems, ” this means that Rudy is sick, and technicians are trying to activate the backup system, Conrad the Fare Hamster.
— Dave Barry - The Unfriendly Skies
[Pete] Townshend is of course the guitarist for the legendary rock band The Who, which performed a medley of its greatest hits, which have been electrifying the world since they first came out during the Spanish-American War.
— Dave Barry - Super Bowl was great and so was the game
I know! Can you believe it?
Likes
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getting back into Flash. man oh man am i rusty.
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Jean-Ralphio in the Parks and Rec Finale and Season Five Pick-Up!
Parks and Recreation has...
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